Love Hina: The Real Story
by Bluezone777
Summary: ch. 2 up first the interview and now the part that you weren't allowed to see . . . until now. complete
1. The Interview with Tama

Disclaimer: I don't own Love Hina

Author Notes: I didn't see many stories centering around Tama and I thought this sounded funny and is basically an interview between a tv talk show host and Tama the hot springs turtle.

words in Italics is the host speaking

everything else is Tama speaking

Beyond the Turtle Shell: The Confessions of a Hot Springs Turtle

_We are here live with Tama Chan the hot springs turtle. She was a cast member on the hit show Love Hina based on the real life events of one Keitaro Urashima who was the manager of an all girls dorm even though he was a man._

_I am your host Johnny Bluezones and this is our show Beyond the. . ._

_So, you say in your book Love Hina: The Real Story that there is many inaccuracies and downright lies in the show. Tell us about it._

I will go through the cast and tell you what parts of the story contradict my version of events.

First we have the star of the show, Keitaro Urashima, who by the way was 17 years old and was at the top of the class when he took the Tokyo U mock exam and became manager of the Hinata Sou apartment complex and wasn't a pervert. He was actually a gentleman and how he managed that with that pervert running around is beyond me.

_Really, because I thought that it was Keitaro who was a perverted three time loser._

It was Naru Narusewega that was the perverted two and eventually three time loser that lived in the house. She, on the other hand, was about as stupid as you can get. She couldn't get a man to like her if her life depended on it. She was trying to seduce that man for about the whole time that he spent there as manager. She wasn't successful by the way.

_Oh so you are saying that Naru changed the facts to cover her ass._

Basically, yes.

Motoko was spending most of her time beating up that perverted girl who basically ticked her off when she tried to get away with an act of perversion. She was actually a good friend of Keitaro and she taught him the art of swordsmanship but they were just good friends and were not romantically involved but were close.

_So Motoko actually liked Keitaro and was attacking Naru and not Keitaro for committing acts of perversion against one of the house mates._

Shinobu was a good cook, was extremely shy and had a crush on the manager. She eventually told him of her love for him but she was too young for him. He handled it real well and they are still good friends to this day. He knew that she had a crush on him but it took time for the right words to come out so he played stupid until he knew what to do.

_So he knew of Shinobu's attraction to him all this time?_

Yes, he did but it seems Naru tried to paint Keitaro as a perverted idiot and this is something I dispute in my book.

And then there was my best friend Kaolla Su. We always had a good time together and we had loads of fun. She would run around and try to catch me and pretend to eat me. She did that because of how the other tenets tried to stop her and became panicked thinking she was going to eat me. She got a kick on how the other tenets panicked and ran around and basically made an ass out of themselves.

_So that whole eating the turtle thing was just a gag made for a laugh._

Yes, she didn't actually want to eat me but it was aimed at making an ass out of everyone and boy did it ever.

Mutsumi was also a good friend of Keitaro and like Motoko was not romantically involved with Keitaro. They spent a lot of time together as friends and are really close to this day. We spent a lot of time together and she was a good friend and I was happy when she came over to see me at the Hinata Sou.

_So Mutsumi was actually portrayed correctly in the show?_

Yes she was one of the few things that were portrayed accurately and I wanted to make that clear to you and the audience.

Kanako was Keitaro's adopted sister but she was portrayed as a sex-crazed girl who wanted to sleep with Keitaro. She just misunderstood the promise he made to her as a child but they eventually patched things up and now they are closer then ever before.

_So she wasn't actually trying to have a sexual relationship with Keitaro?_

No, it was Naru who wrote the story and had a problem with her and tried to hide that by making herself look good and I want to make it clear that she was just a little confused about the promise that they made to each other. Naru on the other hand was basically a bitch.

_So Tama Chan, did Keitaro ever hook up with a girl while living at the Hinata Sou?_

Well, actually he did. There was last but not least Kitsune who was portrayed as a border line lazy, perverted alcoholic. She did drink occasionally but not as frequently as the story says she does. She was also shooting for Tokyo U but that wasn't shown in the show but in my book I describe a girl that wasn't the best in hitting the book but with Keitaro's help was able to pass the test and are now studying away in Tokyo U. She never found a man in her life that respected her for who she was and she didn't feel too good about herself.

When they both met, she was so shocked to meet a man who cared so deeply for her as well as the rest of the tenets and thought of her as a person and not just an attractive girl with a large chest. She had a hard time confessing her love to him but after Keitaro passed his exams she did confess her love and she found out that he was having the same problem as she was having. The relationship blossomed into a full-blown intimate relationship.

They eventually did marry in a ceremony that had everyone there well except for Naru who was pissed that her best friend was marrying Keitaro and not her but no one cared that she wasn't there. No one really like her that much and she eventually left the house and I don't know what happened to her after that. The ceremony was interesting to say the least but since nothing normal ever happened in this house so it didn't seem all that unusual to me at least. They are still together today and yes he did the deed with her if you know what I mean.

_There was one question that I always wanted to ask. Girl or boy? The story leaves us all confused on that fact._

It is a little complicated but here it goes.

I am a girl physically but I am the reincarnation of a young Japenese perverted man who likes the hot women who live at Hinata Sou. He said with a smirk on his face. The thought that I would live in a house filled with young attractive girls is the best thing that has ever happened in my life. I especially find Motoko the most attractive and follow her around all of the time and the added benefit that she is afraid of turtles makes the chase that more fun.

Oh one more thing, it seems Su is working on a machine that can turn me back into the person I was and it so seems that I and Su are hooking up once she turns me back into a man and I can't wait. I showed her what I look like and in a few weeks I will be back to my old self and that will totally rock.

_So there you have it ladies and gentlemen, my interview with Tama the hot spring turtle was quite revealing into the goings-on at the Hinata House._

_This is Johnny Bluezones signing off. _


	2. The Interview with Tama uncut and uncens...

Disclaimer: see first chapter

words in italics are thoughts and descriptions

everything else is spoken words

Love Hina: The Real Story

Chapter 2 the interview with tama live and uncensored

If you are here then you have seen my interview with tama chan the turtle. Here is the part that you were not allowed to see . . . until now.-

_This is Johnny Bluezones signing off. _

You, son of a bitch! _A voice screamed at the two as this person stormed the set of the show._

_It was Naru who obviously didn't like anyone hearing the truth about her and her actions being told to the whole world._

Hey you can't be here.

Get the fuck out of my way you piece of shit.

Security stop that intruder.

_Security tried to stop her and started beating her with billy clubs but she gave them her famous Naru punch and sent them flying._

I can't believe you lying repulsive repugnant turtle would resort to such betrayal. I thought we had a deal.

Oh, you mean the deal that I get extremely rich if I tell the world that you are a perverted asshole and self righteous bitch with more hangups then I can bother to count not to mention a perverted idiot who likes to feel up women for cheap thrills.

_In her version it was Kanako dressed like her who did all those acts of perversion to the girls. It was really her. It seems she has a split personality and that was her dark side._

You traitor. Now I will kill you.

Ooooh, I am so scared. What are you going to do, huh? Chase me around while tripping on your own two feet and committing random acts of perversion simply because well you are too stupid to run and talk at the same time.

_Then suddenly Su ran onto the set with a funny looking contraption._

Here I have finally finished my invention. Now I can turn tama into a man and then we can get busy. _She says with a smirk on her face and that look in her eye. _

_The machine shoots a ray out and hits tama but it does have one problem. It made tama look like Keitaro._

Whoops. I made a mistake but it is okay because now I can have Keitaro too and I can fulfill all those fantasies I had but couldn't fulfill because those stupid girls couldn't get a man and a life.

_Suddenly the other girls ran onto the stage._

Hey where the hell is security!

_Several more tough looking men run onto the stage and try to subdue the other girls but Motoko sends them flying with a ki attack._

What do you mean get a man and a life?

You spent more time butting in where you don't belong that I couldn't have one moment to myself. If YOU had a man and a life, you may of had better things to do then harass me and my friends.

You have gone too far and now I am going to kick your ass.

Bring it on, you lesbian bitch. Don't give me that look. I saw what you were doing with Naru in your bedroom. No wonder, you didn't want anyone in your room. You didn't want us to find out that you were sleeping with Naru.

You BITCH! Motoko screamed as she went after Su with her sword but was blocked by another sword.

What the . . .?

_It was of all people Shinobu who blocked her attack._

How do you know that!

I took classes since I am living with a psychopath that you can't be too sure who is going to attack you in this house.

Who are you calling psychopath you bitch? Naru yelled at Shinobu.

What makes you so innocent, huh?. I can't believe how low you could go but I have seen as low as you can possibly go. You made an ass out of me back when Kanako showed up and now you have the gall to ask me that question?

_They all started to attack each other with swords and fists and the crowd couldn't be happier._

JOHNNY!JOHNNY!JOHNNY!JOHNNY!JOHNNY!

_The crowd roared as fists and swords fly and their clothes start to rip off._

Hey! _Naru screamed but everyone ignored her_.

Hey look guys! _She screamed again but no one listened to her._

HEY, STOP FIGHTING AND SHUT THE FUCK UP! _She screamed and this time they all listened._

Look around you. Those people out in the audience are perverts.

I can't believe this people. _They all said to each other._

Lets call a truce and start to kick some perverted ass, shall we?

Truce! _They all declared._ Before we begin lets play a song.

_She puts on a tape and the song everyone was kung fu fighting starts to play. _

_They start to run after the perverts and they yell "Oh shit, run"!_

_Lets just say that fists were thrown, swords were slashed and people went flying all over the stage and not to mention strange mecha tamas started to attack them as everyone scattered._

_Seeing the hopelessness of the situation, the host begins to speak._

Next time on Beyond the. . . . we will showcase people who are not as screwed up as these sick fucks are. I won't be there because once my boss sees this I am fired for sure. Thank for watching and to all the employees and bosses that pissed me off. Go fuck yourselves. Good night.

Hey you son of a bitch. _Naru screamed as she knocks the host out on his ass. _

How dare he call me a sick fuck. _She yelled as she began to pummel the host of the show for insulting her._


End file.
